Toxic Masculinity
By Emenet Sime
Sit back and think to yourself how many times you’ve heard sayings such as, “man up”, “boys don’t cry”, and “act like a real man.” These are all examples of things said to men every day and are a big cause of toxic masculinity. Toxic masculinity stems from how boys are taught to “be a man”, and the dangerous sense of entitlement that says the more masculine you are, the more you are entitled to. Overall it is up to us and future generations to teach boys to reject the harmful messages that permeate our society and redefine what it means to be a man.
One cause of toxic masculinity would be society’s view of what a real man is, and how we teach our boys from a young age to “be a man.” It all starts with the cultural idea of masculinity, with emotions being a sign of weakness and boys being expected to show strength in any and every situation. It is clear that what we say matters! We as a society hold men to untrue and unrealistic standards. Unfortunately, anything feminine is often seen as a threat to masculinity. Boys are taught from a young age to be aggressive, competitive, and strong at all costs. Often times crying is seen as a form of weakness among boys and men although it is a completely normal expression of emotion that anyone of any gender will naturally feel. Men are also taught to have no needs, never lose, and not to depend on anyone. Research shows that men attempting to live up to these “rules of manhood” can be very detrimental. It can easily lead to domestic and sexual violence, making aggression seem like the only reasonable way to solve conflict. These standards that we as a society hold men to, and teach our young boys, are contributing to the cause and continuous acts of toxic masculinity.
Toxic masculinity also stems from the dangerous sense of entitlement that arises when society says the more masculine you are, the more you are entitled to. Men that display toxic masculinity often believe that they deserve things such as power, respect, a job, and sex, simply due to the fact that they are masculine. When women or feminine-presenting people disagree or say no, aggression, anger, or violence may follow because men are being denied what they believe they are “owed.” Writer John Leimer from Psychology Today talks about his own battle with toxic masculinity as a white middle-class male. He talks about how he felt all good things would come to him because he deserved it, and how he became resentful and angry when he realized this was not the case. That frustration and sense of entitlement lead him to sign on to the system of toxic masculinity to get the access he thought he deserved. This further suggests that men subconsciously fall into toxic masculinity because of this imaginary idea that masculinity equals entitlement.
Overall, toxic masculinity is a serious issue that needs to be faced. Toxic masculinity stems from what we teach our boys from a young age about “being a man”, and the made-up idea that says the more masculine you are, the more you are entitled to. Luckily, we have ways that we can overcome and fix this issue of toxic masculinity. We as a society need to be sure to teach our boys that it is okay to express emotions, and that will not make you any less of a man. We need to also open up to each other (men especially) and let each other know that it is healthy to feel things, and not live up to the unrealistic standards of manhood. Overall it is up to us, to redefine what it means to be a man, and eventually abolish toxic masculinity.
References
Hendriksen, E. (2019, July 26). How to Fight Toxic Masculinity. Retrieved from https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-to-fight-toxic-masculinity/
Clemens, Colleen. (n.d.). What We Mean When We Say, "Toxic Masculinity". Retrieved from https://www.tolerance.org/magazine/what-we-mean-when-we-say-toxic-masculinity
Leimer, J. (2018). Toxic Masculinity: What Is It and How Do We Change It? Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-the-wild-things-are/201810/toxic-masculinity-what-is-it-and-how-do-we-change-it